Monday, August 24, 2009

Setting Your Inner Control Freak(s) Free

Wow! It's been a while since I last posted. But I'm back to posting regularly. I hope that you will find some things here to help you on your journey.

I have recently come to realize that I have been way too uptight for most of my life. For those of you who know me, I'm sure this comes as a GIGANTIC surprise (unless you are way too uptight yourself and just accept it as a healthy way to be like I have for all of these years.)

Anyway, this post is for anyone who can benefit from my current perspective on letting go of your inner Control Freak, loosening up, and having some fun.

Many of us were taught that being uptight is the way that things get done, the key to safety and security, the best way to stay out of trouble - generally an effective way to get along in the world as it is currently constructed. You know, life is serious business, and if you relax too much, everything just might fall apart if you relax a little bit. While this may be a common perception, it is not necessarily true. Just because a whole bunch of people are uptight does not mean that this is the most effective and productive way to be.

Through a recent series of synchonistic events, it has been made clear to me that it is now time for me to RELAX BIG TIME and set my inner Control Freaks free. By relaxing, I'm not talking about doing nothing. I'm just currently in the process of changing my intentions around my doings, havings, and beings. Instead of being frustrated, tense and resistant about what I desire to do, be and have, I'm working toward acceptance of what is. I'm opening to the possibilities of seeing the perfection in imperfection and the imperfection in perfection. (Actually I'm really interested in leaving polarities like perfect and imperfect behind altogether. I really want to see things as they are instead of imposing limiting concepts such as these onto the flow of experience. It's a process. I'll keep you posted.)

Our Control Freaks are so familiar that we usually don't even know that they exist. Over a year ago, I was fascinated by the idea of Control Freaks and even have some unpublished writings in my archives on the topic. I was writing about Control Freaks without even realizing that my perfectionism was a Control Freak too! I like to think I'm a pretty introspective kind of guy, and I was totally clueless about the power that this pattern was exhibiting over my life!

If you wonder if you are some kind of Control Freak, just ask to have your Control Freak aspects revealed to you, and circumstances will conspire to reveal your Control Freak(s) through intense emotions related to something not going the way you think it 'should" go. "Should" is definitely a sign of a Control Freak in need of Love. Should is all about judgment, and judgement is a perception that has little room for Love. Love unites. Judgment divides. So love all of the Control Freaks in your life, whether they reside within you or appear outside of your body. Hating, resisting, or fighting them will not help to set them free from limiting loops of thought, feeling, and behavior that have you trapped.
If things have to be a certain way for you to be happy, to that extent you're a Control Freak. I'm not judging this way of being, but as a fellow recovering Control Freak, I've got to tell you that I know there are better ways to be. I've tasted some of them. I've even had a few full-course meals of these non-Control-Freak-ways-of-being. They always taste better and they don't give you heart burn or indigestion. I encourage you to try them out. Try them on.


Allowing one's inner Control Freak to run the show is like being in prison. Not only are you constantly judging other people but yourself as well. And while it may not be obvious on the surface that this is really causing any harm, I'm telling you that everyone and everything around you can feel your judgment, even if they can't tell you exactly what's going on.

As I mentioned earier, one of my big Control Freaks is the Perfectionist. So to all of you recovering perfectionists out there, there is hope. I'm telling you it wasn't that long ago that I had NO CLUE how my perfectionistic tendencies were keeping me from all kinds of cool experiences and perceptions of blessings. When we become aware of these patterns, we can begin the process of freeing ourselves from their once-invisible strangleholds.
Even though this post is not a perfect and complete as the perfectionistic pattern I've grown accustomed to would like it to be. Even though I've left out a whole lot of cool stuff and examples and movie references I hoped to share, I'm going to wrap this post up now. I hope it helps. Please remember questions and comments are always most welcome.

I'd like to thank Gina Mazza Hillier, author of Everything Matters Nothing Matters , for creating a contrast between her way of being in her book and my own life pattern of unrecognized Control Freakishness. I'd also like to thank both of my coaches, Lisa Spahr and Brenda Young for inspiring this particular post, not because they are too uptight, but because they have recently helped me to realize that I've been way too up tight for most of my life through their not-so-up tight-way-of-being and their compassion and support as I continue my journey.

You are more powerful than you can imagine. Believe it. Know it.

- Posted by Bill Frase

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